OK gang, we’ve got a case study here. Our bro from the channel is going through some shit right now. So I figure maybe I can provide a little feedback.
I’ve pasted in his self-evaluation so we could all get a better handle on what he’s going through. Read this, and then read my take on it at the bottom
problems:
cant get hard with this one new girl 3/3 times: she’s cute, tall (5’11-6′), submissive, white, from midwest — not used to white girls, tall girls, such passive/submissive girls, non-californian girls ; almost exclusively fuck tiny asian girls at my college). would attribute it to nerves but wasnt able to get myself hard on any of the times even after she left (although i was mostly fine with other girls during this time period)
really bad brain fog — can’t stay focused, get very distracted very easily, act a bit awkward socially (usually a social butterfly), write retarded code/messages, forget things/what i was doing
sometimes get really sad at nights for no reason, only fixed by sleeping (had this for years, would only happen maybe once per month when i would get really exhausted but lately happens a few times per week)
not able to fall asleep for naps + takes an hour to fall asleep at night despite always being very sleepy and very tired ahead of nap attempts/bedtime and practicing good hygiene (restricted screen time before bed, blue light blocking glasses, sleeping mask, earplugs or sleep music, quiet environment, nap attempts (which last 45min-2h and have been unsuccessful 10 out of 10 times this month) on a sofa/in my bed/in the grass at a park, focusing on breathing/counting/imagining fictional stories to try and fall asleep). ive never been extremely successful with naps but ive always been able to fall asleep quick
recent loss/infrequency of morning wood, very low desire for sex
feel like my body betrays my mind, confidence, assertiveness — recently just feel more awkward and feel like i’m faking it whenever i act confidently/assertively
recently feel way more insecure/emotional/prone to emotional swings/sad
very sleepy throughout day
lifestyle/background:
my life is objectively going really well
just turned 20
rising college senior in CS degree program at a california university
no stress about money/career
steady 185lb at 6’2
3 plates this summer, sex ~2x/week
5x lift per week (on and off for 2 years, “on” for last 2 months, 60-80min per workout, 20-30min running couple times per week) peaked at 3x5x145 OHP, 3x5x225 bench, 3x5x275 squat, 1x5x345 DL; been doing FST (lower volume serge) since end of july
low sugar / no processed food diet, lots of healthy all-you-can-eat food at school / internship cafeterias, lots of veggies
no alcohol/drugs/caffeine
no porn in weeks, only infrequent very vanilla porn prior, fap 1-3x/week up until nofap over the last month (out of lack of desire rather than a directed effort)
did 1 meal IF for 16 days, stopped doing it <2 weeks ago
daytrading crypto for 2 months (mid May to mid July) — very high risk/volatile and averaging a bit less than one price alarm going off per night — lots of round-the-clock anxiety from this (perhaps it’s stuck around even since stopping 1month ago?)
dreadfully behind on cushy software engineering internship at big silicon valley tech giant (due to crypto / brain fog), been nervous about manager finding out up until last week (when i started really working)
lackluster social life my whole life until this upcoming fall
vitamin D or some kind of mineral deficiency? been supplementing vit D(5-10k IU/day)/zinc/magnesium/L-arginine/ZMA heavily for the past 3 weeks. last summer I was vitamin D deficient and felt similar effects to now
probably had sleep apnea up until a surgery in May to fix chronic mucus/breathing problems (infected tonsils, deviated septum, enlarged something-in-my-nose-dont-remember-its-name); surgery was success, no issue since (issues were extremely apparent previous to surgery); getting sleep study done soon just in case
GLO fitness client for 2 months
the case for anxiety:
chew fingernails occasionally
often feel a bit wired (despite no drugs)
2 months of daytrading crypto 24/7 (ended >1 month ago) conditioned my brain for the worse?
dreadfully behind on software engineering internship (due to crypto / brain fog), been nervous about manager finding out up until last week (when i started really working)
the case for physiological issues:
vitamin D or some kind of mineral deficiency? been supplementing this heavily for the past 3 weeks. last summer I was vitamin D deficient and noticed very similar effects
recent loss/infrequency of morning wood, very low desire for sex
unable to get an erection sometimes (with that new girl, though that may be attributed to somewhat attributed to nerves/mental block)
course of action to solve my problems:
sleep study (sleep apnea?)
blood tests (vitamin/mineral/test deficiency?)
if the above two don’t expose any issues, then consider test/steroids (assuming test is lower than average) and look inwards to solve potential anxiety/mental sources of the above listed problems — I’m convinced that anxiety/mental at least plays a role in my problems, however at age 20 with my lifestyle I’d be shocked if there wasn’t something more going on
Shitty physt advice that you shouldn’t follow under any circumstances. I am not a doctor and I hate you and will purposely fuck your life up worse.
You’ve been warned:
So, first of all you are only 20 years old. I’d consider it very very unlikely that you have any sort of issue with your endocrine system, but you are smart to get that checked out. I highly agree with all of the things in your course of action section. Get the sleep study for sure and blood tests.
I personally think you might be suffering from a bit of what we call TNS or “TRP Negativity syndrome” which is a condition lots of recent pill takers suffer from which causes you to feel shitty about yourself despite all your actual success. When you take the pill you see all these guys with supposedly fantastic lives and it kind of wears on you and makes you feel like a shitty guy. I mean yeah you are shitty, but everyone is so who gives a fuck? What I’m saying is that some of this specific stress might genuinely be getting to you. I plan on writing up an article on how to chill the fuck out a bit without losing your edge. Since I know you are pretty new to this, it can be overwhelming without you even realizing it. Bonus: You are an intern, and that makes you the bottom rung on a big totem pole. That could be contributing.
I highly recommend you find modern stoicism. I link this book all the time in channel but even when people read it they sometimes don’t get it. I think you should pay particular attention to goal setting and making sure your goals are based on the present and controllable by you. I’m sure you’ve seen us discuss the concept of “building a system” rather than setting goals.
http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-Stoic/dp/0195374614/ <– read this book then come talk about it with me. If you’ve already read it, let’s talk about your goals.
Do not go on steroids. I’ve already written 2 articles on that on this site and have ranted ad nausiam in channel. Even if your doctor recommends it make sure you try and talk him out of it. Only then should you go on it. Steroids are not for kids in their 20s. I’d recommend exhausting all other options first. They are tempting. Do not do it!
I did a quick casual consult with a licensed therapist who gave a little bit of input:
His course of treatment is correct: sleep study, endocrine exam, urology exam (I don’t suspect any physiological issues since his dick works sometimes… Maybe he’s just not into non Cali white girls) and counseling. Anxiety/insecurity about fancy internship, work avoidance and brain fog seem intimately related. And twitchy trading habits aren’t good. Also need to rule out other mood disorders: dysthymia and, bipolar 2.
Also, stand up straight and clean your room bucko.
fuck you,
physt
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