SERGE, or You probably don’t know what the fuck you are talking about when it comes to working out.

You’d be shocked at the amount of times guys come into our beloved IRC channel asking about lifting advice.  When they do I link them this:

http://sergenubretforever.com/serge-nubret-workout-method/

.. and then they immediately shriek autistically about shit that they have no fucking idea about.

Here is what they say:

• Physt, you’ve only been working out for 20 years, how dare you link a hypertrophy workout to me when I wanted justification for doing SL5x5?!
• Physt, Serge did steroids there is no way this workout will work for me, how dare you subject my eyes to this!?
• Physt, You may have a giant penis, but I have a tiny small one so I need to explain to you nonlinear and linear periodization, hypertrophy, myofibrillar and sarcoplasmic muscle growth, protein synthesis, lactic acid, penile implants, and a million other things I read about on bodybuilding.com.
• Physt, despite you linking me this plan which I pre-hate due to my lack of experience in the gym, you should come to my gay wedding.  I’m wearing an expensive wedding dress!
• Physt, despite the fact that most bodybuilders are very fucking strong, there is no way this workout will make me strong, it’ll just add water muscles whatever that means.

Well citizen, you are in for a treat because I’m about to explain why the Serge Nubret Workout Method is the one your ass should be doing.  And yes this applies to anyone no matter what their misinformed goals are.

Practical Info:

• Serge is a super high volume training program that you do 6 days per week.  Doing the diet above (IF) will make this much more efficient.  I highly suggest combining the 2.  Serge is an abcabc program, 6 days per week.  It is hard as fuck and will test your willpower.  But it is the fastest way to build muscle that I am aware of.
  • No, you don’t need full body rest days.  Overtraining is something your weak ass isn’t even approaching.  
  • Yes, you will be growing myofibrillar muscle tissue as well as sarcoplasmic.  You will be getting stronger.  I promise you this.  If you even know that there are 2 kinds of muscle growth, you probably spent too much time on the internet.  
  • Yes it’s cool to sub out certain exercises here and there once you know what you are doing as long as you follow the intent.
  • Yes over time you should increase the weights you do.  You obviously aren’t going to do this every single routine like you do in SL5x5 but as soon as you can make it through a workout without crying like a wee little baby add in a little weight.  For this workout you’ll probably start by adding clamps since 5lbs is going to change the whole experience.

Non Practical Info: (the deep philosophical and psychological shit, and why I prefer Serge to SL5x5)

• So you’ve looked at that routine and compared it to SL5x5 and realized that these 2 routines are about as dissimilar as you can get.  SL is 3 days per week and only a total of about 10-20 sets per workout with only 5 reps per set, and takes about 45 minutes to an hour.  Serge is 6 days per week about 50 sets of 12 reps per set, and takes over an hour and a half to 2 hours per workout.  Let’s discuss the differences more closely.
  • “SL5x5 is easy and doesn’t hurt.”  “What?  But I did SL5x5 and it hurt a ton, you are full of shit!”  Well retard, anyone who’s done any lifting in their life knows the difference between heavy lifting and higher rep lifting.  When you are approaching fatigue in a heavy lifting routine you simply fail, there is next to no pain at all.  While on a higher rep routine you get lots of pain and suffering as you power through your last bunch of sets.  There is simply no comparison in terms of pain levels here.  Your willpower and pain tolerance will be tested like it has never been tested before on Serge.  In the west we don’t have hard lives at all.  We no longer hunt or fight, so all we have is our artificial in the gym.  Why wouldn’t you pick a program that contains the maximum amount of struggle available to you?
  • “In SL5x5 I feel myself getting stronger so quickly and I get a boner every time I go to the gym because my 5rm goes up each week.  I need that reward system in place or else I’ll quit due to already having next to no discipline and willpower.”  This one speaks for itself.  Your reward for going to the gym is that you are now fucking manlier.  When you leave the gym after doing serge you feel like you’ve just battled a lion for 2 hours.  You’ll only get a fraction of that feeling when you do less work.  It’s not dildo surgery.
  • “I’m a busy man and only have so much time to devote to this, so a 5×5 routine is a better use of my time.”  This is the dumbest shit ever.  If you are actually someone who is this busy, then the last thing you need is any advice from me.  You must be some high powered attorney that sleeps 3 hours a night.  I bet that’s not the case, and I bet you actually have plenty of time for this.
  • “I just hit my first plateau with 5×5 and my brain stopped working.  I started overeating and sleeping 16 hours per day and now I’m getting fatter and only slightly higher on my 5rm.  This means it is working and your ideas are shit, holy fuck I’m strong!”  This is actually one of my biggest gripes with 5×5 plans.  Plateau management truly leads to autism.  The second you miss a lift your ass goes onto the internet and FRANTICALLY googles for what to change.

 

And now for the coupe de grace:

• “But I was whining on some other forum and some guy with a giant physique told me to start with 5×5 and then do some other super complex program that he developed after charging me 20 dollars for a personal training skype session.  He’s right and you’re wrong.”  Oh, don’t get me wrong I’m sure his program will work just fine for you.  In fact I know it will since nearly every workout program works, most people just quit.  But my reasons for recommending serge go beyond just building muscle, although I promise that after a year on Serge you won’t even recognize yourself.

 

This is a work in progress, I’m sure I’ll add more crap here as I continue yelling at people.

So go fuck yourself,

physt